Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Events that led to WW2

WW1:
This was the major event which eventually would lead to WW2. Why? because it was simply called WW1 and no World War series would be complete without an equally exciting sequel right? We're still awaiting WW3 to break out once North korea test fires their nuclear missiles and "realised" that they've "accidently" set the coordinates of impact on Washington D.C.

The signing of the Treaty of Versailles in 1919:
This treaty was signed by the major powers at that time. Namely Atlantis, Troy, Rome, Persia and of course the United States. The only few countries to have survived the war with minimal losses due to the fact that their empires existed a long long time ago. A major cover up done by the US followed this with the names of the previously stated countries deleted and replaced with the current ones as they wanted to include their allies in the signing of the treaty so as to be seen as being humble. The treaty included that all apples be collected on a spaceship and sent into space. This was due to the fact that WW1 started after the Archduke Franz Ferdinand died after having bought an apple pie. His course of death was never revealed but the blame of his death was put on the Serbians. This course of action however, was never carried out as not only was harvesting all apples very tedious work, the spaceship was not yet invented at that time.

Hitler:
Hitler had served in WW1 under the Russian army. He was originally from Austria but however fell in love with Tsar Nicholas's moustache and left his homeland for Russia where he hoped to learn moustache grooming secrets from Tsar Nicholas. He fought well and hard as a clerk where he got promoted after beating the shit out of his superior with a stick for pissing him off badly. His superior was found out to be a spy after confessing that he'd rather be hung than face an angrt Hitler with his stick. Hitler was then sent to the front lines to fight as a trench-digger. However, one day, a friendly shell exploded near him. Luckily, he escaped unscathed except for the sides of his moustache were blown off. Fearing ridicule if he stayed on in the Russian Army where the men had such lovely moustaches due to the Tsar's emphasis on good moustache grooming products despite food shortages, Hitler thus escaped into Germany where men did not normally spot moustaches and where he made his iconic moustache the "in" thing.

How Hitler gained power:
He gained power in the government eventually though the monopoly of the company which he had set up there called , "Hitler's wonder moustache" which sold a variety of products from moustache pens for people who want to draw moustaches on themselves to moustache shampoo which kept moustaches dandruff free. For economincs students, this is what will happen when the Government does not intervene to stop a monopoly from getting too strong. President Hindenburg, whose moustache was considered too long at that time was kicked out of power and replaced with Hitler.

Rebuilding a greater Germany
After Hitler gained power, he called his suporters NAZIs, accronym for the Nitwits Association of Zealous Idiots. His first course of action was to march into the Rhineland. This was done for no other purpose than to show the world that German boots were quality stuff which could last the march into the Rhineland, the turn around to Czechoslovakia then into Poland and then into France. Hitler's intention was not to cause war but to rebuild the German economy by selling army boots for extremely long marches. Of course in order to prove that, he had to give a live demonstration. The other European countries of course didn't know this and thought that hitler marching his soldiers into their country was a declaration of war so they fled their homelands. What they didn't realise was that Hitler's soldiers wer not carrying guns and that they had very beautiful moustaches so Hitler decided to seize the best of this opportunity and occupy Europe. The very next day , Hitler recieved a bid on eBay for 100 million of his boots from Mao Zedong who ordered them for his soldiers who were participating in the long march.

Nazi-Soviet Pact:
We of course already know who the NAZIs were, but who were the SOVIETs? SOVIET was yet another accronym for Socialists who Order Variety of Indian Eating Tools. This pact was signed by the NAZIs with Russia as they were short on forks and spoons due to France taking away Germany's raw materials as war reperations. But of course being NAZIs, they didn't know that Indians ate with their hands. so they were hoodwinked but the Russians and when they found out, declared war on Poland (This was the spark which started the war) so as to get closer to Russia as Hitler did not have the heart to kill fellow moustache lovers just yet. He decided to do so in 1942 when he almost choked to death on a Russian made apple pie.

Song of The Day : Good Day by The Click Five

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